Mad things patients have said to me….

1. “Why do I have a cute infection?” sorry? ” the other physio said I have a cute infection, what makes it CUTE?”2.” I have been doing all my exercises everyday… what are they again?” …The dog ate my home work sounds more realistic!

3.” I only get pain when I press it really really hard”…. Well do not press it so hard, it is probably bruised from the last time you poked it so hard!

4.”I have been dieting really hard”…. the scales never lie! ” oh I hardly eat anything, I just drink beer”….

5.”I want to run the next London Marathon”,

Physio-” Do you like running?, what is the furthest you have ever run?”

Patient-” No I hate running, I have ran for the bus” !!!….. enough said!

6.”If you are a physiotherapist does that mean you are manipulative?”….. why of course!

7.”Does your mother have any children”…. not well thought through this one!

8. Patient-” I do not drink alcohol- only beer”. Ok then! ” and I am a non smoker… I only smoke Cigars”

9. “I am a man my pain tolerance is high.”-….always paired with a perfect example of the fact it just is not true.

Some things I would like to write in patients notes but would never….

1.Subjective-Bad life choices lead to this point.

2.Objective-Reason for chronic pain- “crazy family”.
3.Assessment-Pateint can not remember exercises – not due to drugs- just due to stupidity.Patient not getting any better due to the fact he likes being ill.

4.Rx- as little as possible as their feet smell soooo bad.

5.Plan- to make this patient bored so he will not come back and annoy me.